My sweet, quadratic treat 
The one I long to eat 
As we dance in and out 
Our delicate rhythm leaves no doubt

At first you are solid and tough all around 
So I chew and I ponder what can be found 
And as I sink my teeth in flavors burst forth 
But only the pink one points to my true North

Red’s a non-starter, it tastes just like wax 
Yellow’s no better—these are just facts 
Orange can be eaten some of the time 
It’s a close second, and thank God there’s no lime

There’s something about the softness and stretch 
I savor the texture as I try to etch 
A perfect reminder of a song sweetly sung 
That beckons saliva flood under my tongue

None can describe how richly you bless 
This silly old woman whose mind is a mess 
But tragedy's here—it comes for us all 
For now I am out as tears slowly fall

I also wrote a haiku, because why not?!?

Jamie

Let’s Stay Connected

If this spoke to your heart, there are a few quick ways you can support my ministry:

• Subscribe: Hit the subscribe button here on Substack so you never miss a post or podcast episode. It is always free to subscribe. If you want to support my ministry with a financial donation, you are welcome to do that as well.

• Follow along: You can find me on Instagram @theweightofstillness for daily encouragement, behind-the-scenes thoughts, and community.

• Share the hope: If this message touched your heart, please share it with someone who needs it. You never know who in your life is waiting to hear that they are loved, valued, and worthy of grace.

Share The Weight of Stillness

Last week, the Menopaussum got me again, where I intended to say one thing, said something completely different, and got an outcome I had not expected. And you might read the comic and wonder why in the world I let Bre do this, or why I even admitted I had a new one for her to poke. I don’t know what to tell. It’s just how we roll. It makes her happy and it only hurts a little, so I just go with it.

So I showed her my newest bruise, one on my right leg with no memory of how it came about. She did what she does. I said “Ouch.” Feeling like it wasn’t fair that she got to poke my bruises but I can’t do the same in return, I fully intended to say, “Give me one of your bruises!” Sadly, however, that is NOT what I said. Therefore, Bre didn’t waste any time in punching my shin, in an attempt to do exactly what I asked her to do!

Enjoy!

Jamie

Let’s Stay Connected

If this spoke to your heart, there are a few quick ways you can support my ministry:

• Subscribe: Hit the subscribe button here on Substack so you never miss a post or podcast episode. It is always free to subscribe. If you want to support my ministry with a financial donation, you are welcome to do that as well.

• Follow along: You can find me on Instagram @theweightofstillness for daily encouragement, behind-the-scenes thoughts, and community.

• Share the hope: If this message touched your heart, please share it with someone who needs it. You never know who in your life is waiting to hear that they are loved, valued, and worthy of grace.

Share The Weight of Stillness

Bre (my bestie) likes to pester me (she’s also 23 years younger than I am). I’m always telling her to be nice. One night, she was doing her usual “let me see if I can annoy Jamie and amuse myself” ritual. In my menopausal brain fog haze, what I wanted to say and what I said didn’t quite come out right…

Jamie

But sometimes she listens and sometimes she doesn’t. And sometimes when I get sassy with her, she has a response. But other times, when I really want her to hear my sass, she ignores me. It’s infuriating—the lack of consistency from her. I just wish she could be consistent. Is that too much to ask? If you’re going to listen a few extra seconds, then do it all the time. None of this ridiculous picking and choosing. I know you’re always listening, so stop trying to pretend you’re not, okay?

So that is what inspired today’s comic.

Do you have any frustrating stories where technology meant to help has been more of a frustration? I’d love to hear it in the comments!

Jamie

What can I say?

The brain fog is strong this year, and I have a large bank of things I have said or done that would make you shake your head.

Unless you too are knee deep in perimenopause or full on menopause. By the way, did you know that actual menopause is only one day???? You stay in perimenopause until you go an entire twelve months with no period. And that year marker? That’s it—that’s the day of menopause.

Every day after that for the rest of your life?

You’re considered to be in post-menopause.

The joke doesn’t stop there—it’s called that because it is forever, in perpetuity. Some women tell me that once they hit menopause their symptoms leveled off. At least six months ago my doctor said I was six to twelve months from being post-menopausal. So far, my symptoms have only increased over the last few months, as the medications I am taking to manage the symptoms no longer seem to have the same efficacy (← I love that word!).

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk today.

Jamie

Today’s ‘Mini’paussum is sponsored by Poptarts.

Just kidding.

Though…I do LOVE Poptarts, and would be happy to shout them out if at any point they would like to partner with a partially mentally stable menopausal woman…

Anyhow…

The comic doesn’t need too much explanation. Besides, I almost had the right word…

Hanging in there with you…

Jamie

It isn’t uncommon for us to have random conversations when one of us gets up to go to the bathroom, as we are both light sleepers and often have random thoughts swirling in our heads. This particular night, however, has become one I will never forget.

What can you expect?

• A girl frantically searching for something

• A weighted blanket

• A very confused Jamie

Enjoy!

Join me tomorrow for my essay: The Good Friday That Woke Me Up. It’s the tale of how God pursued me after my marriage fell apart, and how I learned that it was okay to stop punishing myself for all my sins. That day changed my life, and each day since has been me trying to walk in the hope and freedom Christ gave me.

Have a great day!

Jamie

Last week, Jenny was helping her husband Steve assemble a dresser. She handed him a bag filled with black pieces and insisted that they needed to go on the bottom. They were, in her mind, wheels after all. So where else would they go? Why would there be a bag of black wheels nearby if they didn’t belong to the dresser? I get it. It makes complete sense to me.

Imagine her shock and horror, when Steve looked up at her and told her those were his Girl Scout Cookies…

The Menopaussum 3, Jamie and Jenny 0.

Hanging in there (literally),

Jamie

So last Monday, I went outside to turn on the smoker. I have been perfecting baby back ribs since July of last year, and they are so good that we lietrally have them once a pay period now (twice a month). At 1PM it was time to preheat the smoker, so I turned on the Deck Boss 800 and made sure it was set to 225 degrees.

I went inside to prepare the ribs, so they could marinate while the smoker heated up.

But I did not do this. I didn’t even get the ribs out of the fridge. As soon as my feet entered the house, I did the farthest thing from prepping them.

Instead, I promptly forgot what I was supposed to be doing, grabbed my Bible and keys, and proceeded to take an hour+ lunch break away from the house. As I was sitting in my car an hour later and thinking about what I would be making for dinner, I remembered the ribs.

Seriously????

I just came inside to do ONE thing and immediately left the house?

Yup…that’s right.

My smoker has an app, and I should be able to turn it off from my phone. It was Kris’ treatment day, so he was down at Siteman and couldn’t turn the smoker off. So I relied on my phone.

So I wasted an hour of pellets and electricity? No big deal in the grand scheme of things. The ribs weren’t in danger of spoiling in the fridge. So I tried to turn the smoker off. I pushed the off button on my phone and it said I had to hold the button for 3 seconds to ensure I really wanted to turn it off. Yes! Yes I DID want to turn it off. So I held it down for the obligatory time, and I swear it LOOKED like it was off.

SEVEN HOURS LATER…Spongebob anyone?

Bre said, “Is the smoker still on?”

I replied, “Um, it shouldn’t be. I turned it off from my phone. Is it still on????”

And what do you think?

Do you think the smoker was still on?

OF COURSE IT WAS!!!

I smoked the last of our wood pellets, with nothing in the smoker for at least 7 hours. Fortuntaely there were still enough pellets when I finally did get around to getting the ribs on the smoker 2 days later. But rest assured, I set multiple timers to ensure I actually got them ready and on the smoker. On the bright side, they were excellent, even if it took me more than 2 days to actually cook them.

The Menopaussum: 2 / Jamie: 0

This is Episode One in a new ongoing comic series I have titled The “Menopaussum” Strikes Again. Last year, under the weight of immense stress, I began writing down all the ridiculous things I said and did so I could look back and laugh at the nonsense. The more I learned about perimenopause, I realized that this has been going on for the last 4-6 years. It took my hardest year in the wilderness for me to see it had been going on far longer than I originally believed. But I believe in looking for the humor even in these things, and I figured there are enough of us going through this that it just made sense to incorporate this into The Weight of Stillness. Sometimes you need a little levity in the middle of the chaos.

Hanging in there (literally),

Jamie