In 2012, Kris and I stood outside a marriage counselor’s office, staring at a verse on the wall about rebuilding what had been devastated. Though we bore witness to God restoring what the locusts have eaten, ten years later, in 2022, we found ourselves lost in the woods again.
I was exhausted from twenty years of chronic pain, and in my loneliness, I let my brain take some old, muddy ruts. Kris had his own relapse after eight years of sobriety. Suddenly, we weren’t the success story on the wall anymore. I felt like we had been evicted from the “found” category.
This is why the story of Mary Magdalene in The Chosen hits so close to home.
In this episode, we’re looking at the scene where Mary slips up and heads back to the tavern. She thinks she’s “Lilith” again. But as we dive into the science of neuroplasticity, we see a different truth:
A relapse isn’t a moral failure; it’s a biological habit.
Our brains wear deep ruts that we can call the Pain Path. When we’re tired or scared, we step into those ruts because they are familiar, not because we are broken.
In today’s episode:
The 2022 Woods: The raw truth about our “double relapse” and what it taught us about grace.
The Science of the Rut: How your brain’s “grassy field” works and how to start walking a Safety Path.
The Gaze of Jesus: Why the Great Physician doesn’t require perfection—only that we look at Him.
If you’ve ever felt like you failed your way out of God’s grace, or if your chronic pain feels like a “relapse” of your spirit, this one is for you.
The Weight of Stillness is a reader-supported ministry.
There will never be a paywall blocking you from full
access to what God is teaching me as I embrace
stillness. But if you are led to donate to this ministry
God is birthing out of my journey, you can become a
paid subscriber.
